


Fortune's Fool

by MediumSizedEvil



Series: Incredible Thoughts [19]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Charles Is a Bro, Defense Against the Dark Arts, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:01:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22865257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MediumSizedEvil/pseuds/MediumSizedEvil
Summary: A man breaks his leg inside a hospitalEverything goes wrong that could possibly go wrong with Jake, just as Amy is about to give birth.
Relationships: Charles Boyle & Jake Peralta, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Series: Incredible Thoughts [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591777
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19
Collections: Incredible Thoughts





	Fortune's Fool

Jake was walking down the street to get some fresh bagels for the squad when his phone rang. It was Amy. “My water broke, Jake! Karen's driving me to the hospital. Don't worry, everything's going according to schedule.”

“That's amazing!” he exclaimed. “I'll come as soon as I can! Love you, bye!” He quickly hung up and started running. As he put his phone back in his pocket he accidentally bumped into an old lady. She was very tiny and easy to overlook. “I'm so sorry! Here, let me help you.”

“You disgusting young people!” She pointed her bony finger at him. “You should learn to respect your elders!”

“Really, I am truly very sorry, but you see, my wife-”

“Rata-matata-nonsensical-kablam!” she yelled.

Jake felt a strange heaviness descend on him. He took a step back, and his shoes suddenly felt like lead. Then he stumbled and fell on his ass. The old lady cackled and disappeared in puff of smoke.

A passing car splashed water all over him. Then as he got up and started walking he immediately ran into a lamp post. He grabbed his head with one hand and stretch out the other for balance, right into the face of an old man with a big booger hanging off his nose. He wiped his hand on his leather jacket and discovered that the lamp post had been freshly painted. Something was obviously very wrong. He grabbed his phone. “Charles, can you...” he started, before the battery ran out.

He sat down on the pavement, tearing a hole in the crotch of his pants. The homeless man next to him woke up and told him all about his alien encounters, and on the other side a busker started playing _Wonderwall_.

“There you are!” Charles exclaimed. “I was wondering what took you so long.”

He quickly explained the situation. “So I should stay away from Amy, or the bad luck might rub off on her and the baby.” A large family of ants started crawling up his pant leg. “Charles, can you please help me break this curse before she gives birth?”

He nodded. “My cousin Lance Boyle is a famous quack and Extra Imperial Grand Master of the Occult. I'll give him a call.” Charles grabbed his phone and contacted his obscure kinsman. “He says you've been cursed.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Jake said as a bike messenger ran into him. “But how do we fix it?”

“He says he can't help us right now because he's got a dark wedding to officiate. But he told me how to access the Restricted Section of the New York Public Library.”

Jake squealed with glee. “Amy would love this!” Then a bird pooped on his head.

Charles handed him a used tissue from his pocket and nodded. “Okay, I'll drive. But we have to take your car because I came by hoverboard this morning.”

When they reached his car Jake tossed his keys to Charles but they dropped through a sewer grate. Charles smashed the window on the driver's side and unlocked the passenger side door.

“My door handle fell off!” Jake exclaimed.

“It won't open from the inside either,” Charles said. “But you can easily crawl in through the window, with your slender figure.”

“Okay...I'm stuck!”

“I'll pull, okay?”

“My jacket! That's my favorite jacket!”

“So how do we start the car?” Charles asked at last.

“Oh, it's easy, Doug Judy taught me. You just take this wire and then this one, like this...”

“Careful! Or you'll get...electrocuted.”

At the library Charles pored over ancient tomes of arcane lore while Jake tried not to have any more books fall on his head while being chased by a wasp. “Buzz off!” he shouted.

“Hey, at least it's not a bee,” Charles attempted to comfort him.

Jake tripped over a globe and landed with his chin on Saturn's ring. The wasp flew out the window.

“Aha! I found it,” Charles exclaimed at last. “It's called the Crazy Cat Lady Curse. It says here that it's strictly personal and will only affect the cursed individual.” He looked down at Jake, who was huddled into a ball under the table. “That makes sense, because I'm totally fine. At least, not more clumsy than usual.”

“Then we must go to the hospital immediately!” Jake exclaimed while bumping his head against the bottom of the table. “I don't want to miss the birth of my child! Never mind the stupid curse.” A large black cat strolled up to him and dug her claws deep into his leg.

Charles closed his book and grabbed the whole stack. “Alright, but I'm taking these with me.” The black cat, who was the Head Librarian called Mrs. Fluffypaws, made him sign his name in blood on the register before checking out.

“So it didn't say how to break the curse?” Jake asked as he fell down the stairs in front of the library.

“No, the next page is missing.”

Jake looked up. “I lost my shoe.”

“But I'm sure it's somewhere in one of the other books!”

“Charles, I think...I think I broke my leg.”

“Well, we're already in a hospital. You're so lucky!”

After a quick visit to the emergency room Jake hobbled to the obstetrics ward on crutches. “How is she?” he asked the nurse coming out of Amy's room. She startled and dropped a bedpan on his fresh cast. Jake sighed. “I'm sorry, you can't go in,” he told Charles.

“That's alright, I don't think I could handle the excitement. You stay in there with Amy and I'll go check out these other books, okay?”

“Thanks Charles, you're a great friend.”

“Jake, I found it! The curse can be lifted by-”

Jake turned around, holding his baby. “Pure love?”

“Eh, yes. That was it.”


End file.
